Dual Personalities

I went "home" for Father's Day. Home is Las Vegas.

And home is wonderful.


One thing I noticed about home is the way some people act. Specifically, my cousin - I'll call her Amanda. When we were little, she went by Mandy. Mandy was older, more hip, more beautiful, more everything. She was my idol. I adored her. She grew up, got married, and became known as Amanda. Except to the immediate family, to us she's still Mandy. And now it's like she's two different people.


Mandy is still fabulous -- she's the one who knows the hip hangouts and the hottest new restaurants to try. She wears the newest fashions and is always on the cutting edge. I adore her.

Amanda is nice too, but in a different way. She is a mom and a wife first. She takes wonderful care of her family. She plans and cooks gourment meals. She spends endless amounts of time decorating her house. And truthfully, she's a bit boring.

I want Amanda to be Mandy all the time, even though I know that's not possible. She grew up, got married, had babies, and became AMANDA. I'm lucky to get any Mandy time and I know this. I just miss her.

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Endings and beginnings

The end of the school year. Things end and new things begin. As hard as it can be to let go of the end of something, we have to -- and we have to move on to something new.

I'm looking forward to summer -- lazy days with smoothies and iced tea and sleeping in late. And swimming and barbeques and walking on the beach. Maybe I'll go to a few baseball games! This summer I have some magnificent trips planned. New York City by itself. New York, London, Paris all together later in the summer.

My point here is that yes, things end. And new things begin. And those new things can be fun and exciting!

Letting Go

This school year has been one of letting go. Letting go of the position I've had for several years and returning to a grade level I haven't taught in over 10 years. Letting go of feelings that are destructive to me personally. And letting go of relationships that are not beneficial to me. I've worked hard to get to this point. I'm ready to move on, to assume my new position and work with a new team. Now I'm wondering why other people aren't letting go as easily as I am.

I'm having a hard time with this idea -- that I'm moving on and others aren't. Why not? It seems so simple to me, and yet I know that it's not. It's taken hard work to get to this point and I KNOW that. And yet....I don't want to talk about the past anymore. I don't want to go over and over the same conversations one more time. I want to move forward.

It's time to let go.

Home

Since I was tagged by Heather and asked to make this my first post -- here goes!

What is home?

My home is not a place, it is people.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991

Home is not a place, that's my house. I feel at home when I am with my best friends and my dearest family. Recent events in my life have made me re-evaluate those people I surround myself with, and eliminate those that are not positive influences. Home is a cozy, comfortable feeling; a feeling of being safe and secure. The people in my life that I choose to 'let in' make me feel at home on a daily basis and I love each and every one of them -- the list is small, but the knowledge that I can be myself and still be appreciated makes me feel at home. And I love that.